Don't make out with my wife yet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize