I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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