you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
