I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This baby is an asshole
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
