He kissed a someone with a penis
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's great music for shaving your balls
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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