Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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