i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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