I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
