You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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