census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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