Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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