oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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