hotel room ftw
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
