ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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