Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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