i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
