I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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