Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
