how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
