u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
