and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
