Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
