Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
