Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
as a side note pls kill me
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