in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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