Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
