Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
