it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
