You really coming over, don't trick.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
