Will you blow on my dice?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
