Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
