Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
