your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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