I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
