we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
