I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize