In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
