Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
