oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
