So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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