what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
