Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
