Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
