; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
