Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
