She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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