Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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