That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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