Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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