how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
