I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
