I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
