on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
