My liver just broke up with me...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
