Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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