Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
