I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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