no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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