Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
