When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
