are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
