i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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