if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
