To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize