so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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