God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
