had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
