I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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