Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
