i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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