this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
soo... how was my night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
