i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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