i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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