when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
