Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You are the jesus of drinking
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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