I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
