my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
