You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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