new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
