3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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