I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
