who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
