I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Who died my cat blue again?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
