So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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