i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
