so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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