also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I party with great urgency now.
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