She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
