im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
