His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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