that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
