the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize