I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
