Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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