i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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