So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
