he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
