Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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