doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
