then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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