I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
