For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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