just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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