Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
