I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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