some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
