Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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