Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
