Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize