Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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