Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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