it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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