y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
