Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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