her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
