I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
